Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
