there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
