I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
