Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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