The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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