U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
