I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
