I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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