Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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