Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My bed smells like the plague
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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