Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
