Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
