RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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