even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
