the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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