Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
