cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
