The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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