i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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