Don't make out with my wife yet
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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