I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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