Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
