happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
PANTIES FOUND
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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