We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
