Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
