shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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