Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
