There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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