i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
