i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
