I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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