whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
