i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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