do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
As shirtless as possible
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
