yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
