Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I got inside last night via doggy door
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
