the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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