no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
