before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
