NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
