Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize