so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
