I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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