was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
