White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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