i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
is wine microwaveable?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
