Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
