My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize