dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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