just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
