that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
