apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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