i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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