I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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