I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
