You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think pants incapable of making pants work
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
