By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
