how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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