I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
