i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
