dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
