I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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