In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
