I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
