Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize