Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
