she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
