I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
