It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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