doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
