the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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