Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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