i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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