"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
