If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You ruined the universe
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
