Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
two words...techno handjob
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
