It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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