he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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