He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
