thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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