Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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