remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
