but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
