So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
