Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
