youre lurking in front of me
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
