'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i dont even know how to be here
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
