the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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