I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
