My liver just broke up with me...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
